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Incredible India: When rape accused isn't arrested we burn candles, march; when rape accused is arrested we burn the city

By Anand Mazgaonkar*
We should all be extremely grateful to Baba Ram Rahim and Dera Sachcha Sauda for not formally announcing a coup and official takeover of the State of Haryana yesterday. That would indeed have been the first coup within a country and without military, or “outside” support. Actually, they did not need outside support because, in line with swadeshi philosophy, they had enough “inside” support.
For a start, Mr Manohar Lal Khattar and his Government were either asleep or on holiday. In any case, Mr Rajnath Singh was away in Kyrgystan and was forced to rush back. One would almost get the impression that the Home Minister matters in this Government. But rest assured, the situation will return to normal because not a single arsonist is reported to have been detained.
May be, Mr. Khattar did not receive any clear instructions from Delhi or Nagpur or wherever else he draws inspiration from. May be he was awake but either Delhi, or Nagpur, or both were asleep or on holiday. This is not to say the Nagpur folks, the Government or the ruling party were proactively supporting Ram Rahim. They did issue lame, vague, ambiguous, forked-tongued “ninda” as well as “kadi ninda” statements wherever they were pushed by Media. After all, elections are not immediately due in Haryana and they will be able to pull off a deal in time before the 2019 elections.
Ram Rahim’s going to jail, in reality, might be lovely opportunity for the ruling party to do a Tamil Nadu in Haryana. After getting the AIADMK in their pocket on Ms. Jayalalitha’s exit they can dream of doing the same with Dera Sachcha Sauda. Like Jayalalitha blessing them from heaven Baba Ram might well bless them from his cell in Rohtak.
It might be interesting to speculate on Asaram Bapu and Ms. Sasikala’s feelings on the recent turn of events. Could Gurmeet Ram Rahim’s joining them give them hope that ranks are swelling? Would they want to have each other’s company and request to be housed in the same jail? Could Ms. Sasikala be fancying the idea of going out on shopping trips with him? 
They could exchange notes on how they shop for MPs, MLAs and political leaders. Together they could form a Prisoners’ Union demanding equality before law and ask to be treated at par with the Gujarat’s encounter-accused policemen, riot accused, Gua Rakshaks, the Aseemanands, Sadhvi Pragyas and Col. Purohits.
Babas 50 million followers is a compelling argument. No one knows if there’s a formal membership or – like BJP membership – you become a follower just by giving a ‘missed call’ to the Ashram.
But, someone with so many followers having to go jail is an unadulterated tragedy. Following BJP MP Sakshi Maharaj’s advice the Court should have taken the size of his following into consideration. Just as economic liberalisation gives a free run to the Adanis and Ambanis now is the time for Religious Liberalisation. Perhaps, instead of a Uniform Civil Code we could have a Differential Civil Code, or even a Deferential Civil Code listing citizens into separate categories such as:
  1. Vote-Bank Gurus, Corporate Babas, Donor Swamis, Black-magic Mahatmas (exempted from murder, rape, fraud, land-grab crimes)
  2. Politicians, deal-fixers, power brokers (exemption from financial embezzlement, corporate funding laws)
  3. Gau Rakshaks, lynch-mobs (exemption from mob-violence crimes)
  4. Ordinary Citizens (the only category subject to IPC, Cr. PC and all other laws)
If the Government fears any backlash against carte blanche exemption from crime laws they could consider issuing crime coupons to Gurus, Babas and Swamis (much like discount coupons). Swamis and Babas could encash those crime coupons any time they want. Some would, of course, need to buy them in wholesale quantities. 
Obviously, crime coupons would have a GST component, boosting State coffers. The only matter of detail and fine tuning would whether to tax crimes of the Ram Rahims of India at the 5% ‘basic necessity’ rate or 28% luxury rate. But, Mr Arun Jaitley -being the legal luminary he is- would sort that out in a matter of seconds.
The Sakshi Maharajs of the world believe that rape happens because women wear jeans and use mobile phones. Since the Sadhvis were raped and abused in spite of their white clothes, covered heads, and total embargo on any communication with even their own relatives there must indeed be some other failing they had that provoked the Baba to commit his rape. Sakshi Baba can update, upgrade his theory.
Clearly, Baba Gurmeet Ram Rahim is the victim deserving the sympathy of politicians of all hues. His only fault may be the his photo trail with powerful politicians who’re now haunted.
Wish raped women had more faith in rapist Babas and their Godliness.

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