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Job opportunity in unexplored territory... to bulldoze hurdles on way to Akhand Aryavart

By Abdul Puncharwala* 
Baba and Mama the Jai-Veeru Jodi of Shuddh desi politics bring an excellent opportunity of employment to all the bright matriculate drop-outs busy with their Insta and YouTube reels. Keep your phones aside for a moment and read this advert carefully. It is going to change your life forever.
We the Duo of Uttam Des and Madhyam Des, the pranth Pradhan sevaks, have decided to join hands like Jai – Veeru of Sholay and institute a School (gurukul) to impart world class training to bright young and energetic school drop-outs in training how to run Bulldozers. Our cherished mission is to help our thespian of Aryavart politics Thakur Baldev Singh aka Mudizee in his pious mission of achieving Vishwaguru status to our Thanatan nation by getting rid of pests like Gabbars and Babur Ki aulads. The selection will be purely on the basis of merit after rigorous military style recruitment process. The selected candidates shall undergo an intensive training at either of the two campuses at Bhorakhpur or Godhini. 
Apart from technical education the candidates shall also be trained in dharmic values by renowned pracharaks from Santrapur. As a bonus they will also be trained in mixed martial arts by super star celebrity Canada Kumar. The course shall be of one year duration however our first batch will graduate in seven months and immediately absorbed in various Uttam Des and Madhyam Des municipalities on an attractive starting basic salary of 17500/- plus HRA and CCA wherever applicable Gross starting monthly salary would be approximately 27500/- and take home pay would be an auspicious number of 22151/- . TA and DA on actuals are also paid on reimbursement basis. The selected employees will be on a probation of 6 months post which their performance will be evaluated objectively on various parameters such as the number of constructions razed etc. Once confirmed the employee will also become eligible for perks such as housing loan on attractive interest rates, LTA facility to pilgrimage places such as Chardhaam yatra, Vaishnodevi darshan etc.
Here is one more attractive deal …. Post demolition of an ‘illegal’ structure the JCB Pilot is allowed to salvage the windows and doors from the rubble and use them in the construction of his house. However he is barred from salvaging and selling the steel bars of razed concrete structures as the same shall be transported by Municipality to designated govt authorized smeltering foundries where these will be melted and forged into weapons of defence to be stored in safe custody of state armouries. Such armouries shall be guarded 24/7 by Thanathani yuva vahini volunteers and Jabjrang Bal bahubalis.
Apart from this the pilots are encouraged to associate themselves with Vahini volunteers and keep their ears to the ground for underground movement of patherbaz miyas and pass on the information to shakha pramukhs. Please note that whenever riots erupt the JCB pilots would be alerted to be ready to be on duty at short notice and wait for orders to pilot their JCBs through the narrow lanes and by lanes of poor neighbourhood for the higher cause of nation building by destroying the ugly shanties and shops of the Miya bhaios and Behnos. After all is it not the cherished wish of our dear HH Samrat (Hindu Hriday samrat) Mogliji to make the nation ‘Swach Aryavart’ is it not?
Pilots even if on leave have standing instructions to cancel / cut short their leave and join duty in service of Aryavart. When JBB (Jabjrang Bal bahubalis) are in a playful mood they may decide to accompany the dozers with a tempo full of speakers and Dhinchak DJ music of aryatva pop stars blaring patriotic tunes and brandishing swords and kattas and tamanchas (local made guns).
Once in a while a pilot may also be instructed to use his dozer bucket to tinker with a compound wall of a savarna Shukla who in a playful mood might have gone a bit tipsy and decided to play shower shower with a tribal Rawat. My... my what a ruckus it created. Poor Mama had to summon the already very wet and frightened man to his residence and wash his feet in full glare of cameras as penance. The JCB pilot has to curb his enthusiasm and not demolish the whole structure in such cases. There has to be a show of destruction for the cameras and not actual demolition.
It is also heartening to note that many Pranth Pradhan sevaks have taken cue from our initiative and have started equipping their municipalities with one Bulldozer at least and have initiated punitive action again the patherbaaz by razing their ugly eye sores to rubble. Of late Baldish Clutter, Pranth Pramukh of Subjiyana has also enthusiastically taken to razing and dozing ordering clearance of uncouth hutments in hun pranth. May be in future Baba-Mama duo may become a multi starrer Baba – Mama- Chacha the three musketeer pioneers. Our aim in the immediate future is to expand our caravan to become dirty dozen and then on to touch the magic figure of Suyodhan’s Hundred.
So Dear Naujavaan friends there are opportunities galore in this hitherto unexplored territory which beckons you to join forces in Nation building by bulldozing. In this poignant moment we the Jai-Veeru recall the wise words of our Kulshresht, the grand old man of Thanatani politics “Zameen Ko Samtal karna Padega”.
So we the true foot soldiers of Thanatan tradition live and let others die by the ideals of our ancestry and urge you to do the same.

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