A recipe for new-look Ministry that would appropriately signal government priorities on markets and economy

By Anand Mazgaonkar*
A Government and Party that won a huge Parliamentary majority; managed to form State Governments even where it did not win elections; did not seem to take one wrong step; one that decimated the Opposition; had most of the print, electronic as well as gutter media in its pocket; one that fulfilled its promise of Congress-mukt Bharat by ‘sucking-like-a-magnet’ all opportunist Congressis as well as by imitating its culture of operating through coteries and cliques, rewarding favourites, harassing nay-sayers and letting loose goons in the streets and on social media, is suddenly having to scratch its head.
Party bigwigs are not ‘staying-in-line’, University students are not listening to them, even girls are revolting, police brutality hasn’t cowed them down, RBI report, demonetisation numbers, employment statistics, petrol and diesel prices, railway accidents, people asking questions about jumlas…
There cannot be anything wrong with Government performance. The problem must be with Rahu, Ketu, Shani Dosh, bad mahurat, missing auspicious moments while initiating actions etc. If a havan or some vastu tinkering with the Cabinet room doesn’t work and if bad news is becoming a pattern what can immediately be done is to not only reshuffle cabinet and portfolios, may be rename all the roles, responsibilities in keeping with the challenges Government faces every day.
Home, Finance, Defence. External Affairs, the old heavyweight portfolios don’t weigh that much any more. Remember? Sushma Swaraj had to put up a herculean fight for her Foreign Ministry. She discovered that it was a dud after she got it. In any case Ministers don’t seem to have clarity about what is expected of them.
Therefore, if the portfolios are rechristened at an auspicious time, a Shubh Mahurat decided by Nagpur, things will start looking up right up to 2019 elections. Then can then go back to sleep. Sorry, correction, Mr Modi can start his foreign junkets again and the rest of the Cabinet can go back to sleep. So, a new look Ministry that will usher us into jumlas and fireworks of 2019 elections can look like:

• Minister for Tweets
• Minister for Railway Accidents (including foot overbridge accidents, tunnel accidents)
• Minister for Jumlas
• Minister for Kadi Ninda
• Minister for Student Violence (clarification: this would be for Violence on students and doesn’t imply violence by students)
• Minister to manage Party Dissension
• Minister for Gau Rakshaks
• Minister for Social Media Goons
• Minister for Cover ups (there’s a host of old crimes and cases that need to be dealt with)
• Minister to stoke fire in election-bound States
• Minister to dissuade people from using Social Media because Opposition parties are catching up

This new-look Ministry will send out the most appropriate signal on Government priorities to the Markets and the Economy. That has to be the way forward.
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*With Paryavaran Suraksha Samiti, Ahmedabad