Tank in JNU campus: Vice chancellor should rightfully claim credit, patent the concept and process of Wargasm

By Anand Mazgaonkar*
The Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) Vice Chancellor’s (VC's) suggestion of installing a tank at a prominent place on campus is not only a brilliant, but also an honest idea. Just as we never found out the source of the demonetisation idea -- whether it was the Reserve Bank of India's (RBIs) own idea or whether the Government gave it to the RBI to give it back to the Government to implement -- we will never figure out where this one came from.
It may have come from the JNU VC’s own fertile brain, or from Nagpur, or Delhi or it may have done the merry-go-round like demonetisation, i.e., from Nagpur to Delhi to VC and back to Delhi for implementation.
Unquestionably, following due procedure, creating lot of smoke does indeed cover up the source, intent and purpose. We must indeed be a stupid people. The only problem is that some of their motormouths betray their true designs.
Mr Rajiv Malhotra, is reported to have said he was “glad we’re capturing JNU” and has apparently characterised it as victory “in the internal war”. Major Gen Bakshi felt inspired to betray their future plans, i.e., capturing Jadavpur and Hyderabad Central University (click HERE to read).
Nobody has, as yet, leaked their exact plan and blueprint; therefore the Parivar’s division of labour isn’t exactly clear. Will it be that the current army will fight the external battles while retired armymen will turn on on people within, or the new army will be a combination of VCs and retired armymen, or is it that retired armymen will set out to capture Universities? Or, the fact may be that academicians (of the Parivar kind) will now infiltrate the army.
Whatever be the intent and objective, the tank can indeed serve many purposes for many different people. It will be inspiration for the ABVP-types, deterrence for the Kanhaiya-types (remember Tiananmen?), joy for the sabre-rattlers. Warmongers’ toys becoming academicians’ fantasies is the best outcome of this project. It should also do the VC’s personal professional career a great deal of good. Those are the kind of people who ought to be put in charge of the Education Ministry. And given this Government’s style, we can have the HRD Minister doubling as Defence Minister. Or more correctly HRD Minister-cum-Defence Minister-cum-Internal War Minister.
We could well have the spectacle of VC-cum-HRD Minister formulating the Education Policy of Pakistan on the one hand, while on the other fighting an internal war in JNU, Jadavpur and Hyderabad Central University. That will be doing full justice to each of his portfolios. That, really is the way forward for 21st Century India. And it will be a symbol of India’s great past and greater future – truly, the Achche Din we were promised.
Installing something like a Tank in a University is perfectly justified for another reason. If you’ve done too much bluff, bluster, bombast and sabre rattling about teaching Pakistan a lesson, rooting out terrorism, eradicating poverty, giving farmers’ cost + 50 % for their produce, ending farmers’ suicides, while in opposition and the reality of having to act more ‘responsibly’ dawns on you when in Government, you do have to instal symbols and toy models to pass off as governance and performance.
Therefore, the next thing that should be coming might be a huge plastic Rs. 15 Lakh cheque (the kind of cheques presented to the Man of the Match at the end of a cricket match) installed at India Gate to represent the amount that should have come into each citizens’ account and factory worker’s boots and cap at Jantar Mantar to stand in for the 1 crore jobs that were going to be created every year.
As a people we’re graduating from installing scarecrows on farms to setting up toy models to pass off as the real thing. Whatever the tank in JNU may or may not do, this Government and its Parivar are giving the people Wargasm. The JNU VC should rightfully claim credit, patent the concept and process of Wargasm.

---

*With Paryavaran Suraksha Samiti, Vadodara