Skip to main content

Love in the time of WhatsApp: Breaking the barriers of caste and distance in "modern" India

Subhadra
By Rahul Banerjee*
A young cousin of Subhadra Khaperde, a well-known social worker with the Mahila Jagat Lihaaz Samiti or Society for Respect for Women and Earth, also known as MAJLIS, formed by Dalit and Adivasi women of western Madhya Pradesh, had been dating with a man living in Banda district of Uttar Pradesh. Hailing from Kanker district of Chhattisgarh, the girl continued dating for over a year and a half on WhatsApp.
Finally they decided to marry and broke this news to their respective families. The first thing that these families, situated deep in rural areas, asked was about the caste of the partner.
All hell broke lose for the young woman. She was a Mahar, a Dalit caste, while the man was a Brahmin. The Mahars in Chhattisgarh are very endogamous and put a hefty fine on and ostracise any family from which a son or daughter marries outside the caste.
The girl's family had been trying to marry her off to prospective Mahar boys for quite some time, but since the girl was staying in Kanker town and working as a dental assistant in a private clinic, she had a mind of her own and refused to agree to the various suitors. And now the girl had dropped a bombshell that she was going to marry a Brahmin boy all the way from Banda in Uttar Pradesh.
Anyway, since there were many members in the extended family who were educated and in jobs, and also some who had married outside the caste, eventually the boy's father, brother-in-law and the boy came down to the girl's village and they met face to face for the first time.
The girl's family asked how the boy would reconcile his caste people to the fact that he was marrying a Dalit. The boy replied that they were to say that they were Saryu Brahmins if asked by anyone about caste and he would handle everything else! So a Dalit Mahar girl would take a dip in the Vedic purity of the Sarayu River and become a Brahmin!
The marriage took place a few days ago in a rented Dharmshala in Chitrakoot, which is a temple town in Madhya Pradesh. Subhadra was invited to attend the marriage because of her experience in these matters. She had blazed the trail by snaring a Bengali Brahmin (Bangali Maharaj in Chhattisgarhi) and had successfully kept him in leash for twenty five years!
The boy had persistently stonewalled all efforts by the girl's family to visit his home saying that is against the custom in Banda. Subhadra would have none of it, however, and so she hired a car and with some family members went to the boy's village in Banda to check out his credentials.
They found that the boy's family lived in a small mudhouse with roof tiles of baked clay and that contrary to his statements that he was in a flourishing business, learnt that he actually ran a tea stall! The family had some agricultural land, but these days farming in Bundelkhand is in severe crisis.
So the family was just about making ends meet. Some of the girl's family said that since the house was so small they had made a mistake in buying many things like sofa sets, fridges and the like and they should sell them back again!
Subhadra, however, said that the family looked to be good at heart even if it did not have much wealth and since the girl was a skilled girl and was in love with the boy who were they to intervene.She said that when she had married then she and her husband were also penniless!
After they came back from their investigations, the boy phoned the girl to say that if the family had seen his house before then the marriage would not have taken place. The girl then asked anxiously what was the scene in Banda to which Subhadra replied -- "Pyar Kiya to Darna Kya".
This is modern India -- a poor Brahmin boy from a village in Banda gets hitched to a poor Mahar girl from Kanker breaking the barriers of caste and distance through WhatsApp!
---
Source: Facebook timeline of Rahul Banerjee

Comments

Uma Sheth said…
Good news. I hope this spreads and the Hindu Taliban learn something from this

TRENDING

When democracy becomes a performance: The Tibetan exile experience

By Tseten Lhundup*  I was born in Bylakuppe, one of the largest Tibetan settlements in southern India. From childhood, I grew up in simple barracks, along muddy roads, and in fields with limited resources. Over the years, I have watched our democratic system slowly erode. Observing the recent budget session of the 17th Tibetan Parliament-in-Exile, these “democratic procedures” appear grand and orderly on the surface, yet in reality they amount to little more than empty formalities. The parliamentarians seem largely disconnected from the everyday struggles faced by ordinary exiled Tibetans like us.

Study links sanctions to 500,000 deaths annually leading to rise in global backlash

By Bharat Dogra  International opinion is increasingly turning against the expanding burden of sanctions imposed on a growing number of countries. These measures are contributing to humanitarian crises, intensifying domestic discord, and heightening international tensions, thereby increasing the risks of conflicts and wars. 

Dhurandhar: The Revenge — Blurring the line between fiction and political narrative

By Mohd. Ziyaullah Khan*  "Dhurandhar: The Revenge" does not wait to be remembered; it arrives almost on the heels of its predecessor, released on March 19, 2026, just months after the first film’s December 2025 debut. The speed of its arrival feels less like creative urgency and more like calculated timing—cinema responding not to storytelling rhythm but to the emotional climate of its audience. Director Aditya Dhar, along with actor Yami Gautam, appears acutely aware of this moment and how to harness it.

Beyond the island: Top mythologist reorients the geography of the Ramayana

By Jag Jivan   In a compelling new analysis that challenges conventional geographical assumptions about the ancient epic, writer and mythologist Devdutt Pattanaik has traced the roots of the Ramayana to the forests and river systems of Central and Eastern India, rather than the peninsular south or the modern island nation of Sri Lanka.

BJP accounts for 99% of political donations in Gujarat: Corporate giants dominate

By Jag Jivan   An analysis of the official data on donations received by national parties from Gujarat during the Financial Year 2024-25 reveals a staggering concentration of funding, with the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) accounting for nearly the entirety of the contributions. The data, compiled in a document titled "National Parties donations received from Gujarat during FY-2024-25," lists thousands of transactions, painting a detailed picture of the financial backing for political parties from one of India’s most industrially significant states.

Alarming decline in India's repair culture threatens circular economy goals: Study

By Jag Jivan  A comprehensive new study by environmental research and advocacy organisation Toxics Link has painted a worrying picture of India's fading repair culture, warning that the trend towards replacement over repair is accelerating the country's already critical e-waste crisis.

Captains extraordinaire: Ranking cricket’s most influential skippers

By Harsh Thakor*  Ranking the greatest cricket captains is a subjective exercise, often sparking passionate debate among fans. The following list is not merely a tally of wins and losses; it is an assessment of leadership’s deeper impact. My criteria fuse a captain’s playing record with their tactical skill, placing the highest consideration on their ability to reshape a team’s fortunes and inspire those around them. A captain who inherited a dominant empire is judged differently from one who resurrected a nation’s cricket from the doldrums. With that in mind, here is my perspective on the finest leaders the game has ever seen.

Swami Vivekananda's views on caste and sexuality were 'painfully' regressive

By Bhaskar Sur* Swami Vivekananda now belongs more to the modern Hindu mythology than reality. It makes a daunting job to discover the real human being who knew unemployment, humiliation of losing a teaching job for 'incompetence', longed in vain for the bliss of a happy conjugal life only to suffer the consequent frustration.

‘No merit’ in Chakraborty’s claims: Personal ethics talk sans details raises questions

By Jag Jivan  A recent opinion piece published in The Quint by Subhash Chandra Garg has raised questions over the circumstances surrounding the resignation of Atanu Chakraborty from HDFC Bank , with Garg stating that the exit “raises doubts about his own ‘ethics’.” Garg, currently Chief Policy Advisor at Subhanjali and former Secretary of the Department of Economic Affairs, Government of India, writes that the Reserve Bank of India ( RBI ) appears to find no substance in Chakraborty’s claims, noting, “It is clear the RBI sees no merit in Atanu Chakraborty’s wild and vague assertions.”